The Chatterbox

My oldest daughter takes after her father.  She likes to talk... A LOT.  In the right social setting, this can be a gift; one I often wish I was blessed with.  But in other places, left unchecked, it can be inappropriate.  One of those places is in the classroom at school. 

During her fifth grade year, my daughter's motor mouth landed her in the sights of her teacher's radar early on in the school year and from then on, she was constantly targeted for talking in class.  Every day, her clip was being moved out of the "green zone" on the behavioral stop light and into the "yellow" for her constant chatting.  If it made it to "red", it was principal time and eventually went on to her permanent record to follow her wherever she went.  She never made it that far because I decided it was time to intervene. 

Jessica's father and I had talked with our daughter and told her there were appropriate times to talk at school, such as lunch, recess, etc.  We had previously grounded her for getting in trouble for talking, only to have her do it again a few days later.  Our daughter explained at one point that other kids were talking when she was and they didn't get in trouble, but we told her that the point is, they should not have been talking either and that just because others were doing something, doesn't make it OK for her to do it. (Insert your best "if your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it" here.)  And besides that, she had made a target of herself early on and now she had to deal with the consequences of that. 

The problem went on until one day I told my daughter that if she got into trouble for talking one more time, I was going to go to school with her and babysit her in class since she didn't seem to be able to handle it on her own.  I told her I may or may not go dressed in my pajamas, depending on my mood that day.  I told her I would sit in her classroom, follow her to lunch, etc. until talking was a problem no more. 

Now, my children know me.  They know when I say something, I follow through; so even if there was an inkling of doubt in my daughter's mind, it must have been enough to keep her on the quiet path for awhile because she did quite well for about two weeks.  But then it happened one Friday.  She just couldn't hold it in any longer.  All that chatter that she had been holding inside of her for the last two weeks just couldn't be held in anymore and came bursting out of her like lava from a volcano.  Her clip made it into the "yellow zone" once more and it was the moment of truth.  She begged and pleaded for me to give her one more chance.  I explained I gave her plenty of chances already and that I didn't know of any other way to make this clear to her: that when she talks during class, it interrupts learning and is disrespectful to the teacher.  I informed her that come Monday morning, mother and daughter would attend school together.  She was quite upset and asked if I would be wearing my pajamas.  (This, apparently, was an even bigger concern than me being at school - what I would be wearing.  Oh the embarrassment!)  I told her I would see how tired I felt on Monday, whether or not I felt like getting dressed or just throwing on my robe and slippers.  I called her teacher and informed her of my plan and the arrangements were made.

What a long weekend that must have been for her! The agony and worry that she must have suffered that weekend alone was probably worse than the punishment itself! 

Monday arrived, the big day.  I decided to minimize her embarrassment (and the distraction my pj's would cause in the classroom) and get casually dressed.  I sat in the back of the room close to my daughter's desk and watched over her all day. I went to lunch with my daughter and chatted with her and her friends during lunch.  My daughter, oddly enough, was very quiet during this time.  Then back to class we went where I finished sitting watch over my little chatterbox. (I also observed the teacher and noticed that there was a good bit of disorganization, especially during transitional times, in which there were a lot of children talking. If this were more organized, chatting and moving about the room could be cut down in general.  She was a younger, inexperienced teacher and did not have a good command of her classroom.  I brought that point to the principal later, who said she was aware of that and was having a mentor teacher work with her.)

It was a looong day for both of us, but an important one.  My daughter learned that I dared and cared enough to follow through on my word. And I learned why she talked in class when she talked, though I was not excusing her for it.  I had spent a day in her shoes and had seen what the classroom dynamics were. 

When the day was over, I asked her if I needed to go to school with her the next day or if she thought she could handle things on her own from now on.  She insisted she could contain her chatter and no longer needed me to watch over her at school.  I told her I would give her a chance to prove herself then, but if I had to go back, it would be every day for a week and this time I would wear my robe and slippers and might not comb my hair. 

But, she was right.  From that day on (two years now - I should give her some kind of pin), she remained in the "green zone", apparently so mortified that I might show up in her classroom again one day that she kept her chatter to herself until it was the right time to socialize.