I always thought that with three children, the blame would be more evenly spread. Boy, was I wrong! It is interesting what causes children to not want to confess to a wrong-doing or an accidental mishap. We have never hit or spanked our children, so there is no fear of corporal punishment there. The biggest punishment they have faced to date is loss of computer privileges or being grounded to their room for a day or two. We really try to make the punishment fit the crime, so to speak.
We have always tried to instill in our children the importance of telling the truth and how it is linked to trust in a relationship. We have also told them that though they might get into some trouble for a wrong-doing, it will also be worse if they are caught in a lie. Yet, still, "Nobody" resided at our house from time to time.
My oldest daughter has a difficult time blaming "Nobody". Her face is as easy to read as a picture book. She tried telling me she had finished all her lunch when she was about four-years-old one day. I knew she couldn't have finished in the few seconds I had left the kitchen, so I checked the garbage can and, sure enough, found her lunch there. When confronted with the evidence, the guilt overtook her and she cried. I didn't even have to punish her she felt so bad. She never lied after that to my knowledge. She has withheld some information for a period of time. But eventually it eats at her until she spills it at bedtime one night or another.
My son has been the one recently caught blaming "Nobody" a couple of times. The first time, it was a minor incident and we had a chat and moved on. I thought the matter was behind us. But a week later, as I worked on my computer, I heard a crash come from the dining room. It was the kind of crash where there is a loud thunk followed by shattering glass and makes a mother go running.
Upon arrival at the scene, I found my son standing near my china cabinet, one cabinet door on top open, its glass panel now missing, shattered on the floor. My son stood as still as a statue, perhaps thinking if he was very still I wouldn't notice him there; like maybe my eyesight was that of a T-Rex and I could only detect movement!
My first concern, of course was his safety. I told him not to move and asked him if he was ok. He told he that we was. I reiterated not to move so that he wouldn't step on glass and I went around and lifted him out of the area of the shattered glass. Upon inspecting him for any cuts and finding none, I asked him what happened.
"Nothing," he replied. "I was walking by and the glass just fell out!" Hmmm. Now, I am no detective, but I play one in my world, so I suggested to my son that we examine the evidence. I pointed out how what he said happened was impossible unless he had opened the door and moved the tabs that held the glass in place. I showed him how the glass sits in a grooved ledge with tabs and with the door shut, it was inconceivable for the glass to just fall out. I also reminded him of our talk the previous week about lying and its consequences. Now the look of guilt swept over his face. He cracked!
"I did it," he said. "I opened the door to try to turn on the light inside on the top and when I did, the tabs moved and the glass fell out." Aha, my dear Watson! I do believe we've got it!
I decided it was time to make an impression on my little storyteller. So I told him a story of my own. I told him a story of this book I read once called the "Scarlet Letter" and how this lady did something wrong and had to wear a big red "A" on her dress everywhere she went so that everyone would know what she did. I told him to imagine if we all had to do that with everything we did wrong! How terrible that would be. I said, "Can you imagine if you had to wear one of those stickers that says 'Hello my name is...' and write 'liar' in it?!" "Yikes! That would be pretty embarrassing wouldn't it?" He just nodded his head as his eyes grew as big as dinner plates.
Now before anyone gets upset, I would never, ever make my children wear that label. I was just telling him the story of how that lady had to do that and planting an image in his mind of "what if".... I never told him he would have to wear one. I did, however tell him, he would have to write an essay on why lying is wrong and how it breaks our trust in one another while he was grounded.
He did write a wonderful essay. And the combination of the story and the essay must have done the trick, because he hasn't lied since. He has been faced with the decision, but when I ask him to remember to tell the truth, he says, OK, I did it. "Nobody" seems to have disappeared, for awhile anyway!
