Coffee Anyone?

It's funny the things that stick with you and even more interesting the influence one person might have on a child.  We were sitting at dinner the other night and as dinner was wrapping up, my husband and I were giving out instructions for cleaning up for the evening, showers after, etc.  Our oldest, who never seems to know when the proper time to stop questioning "why" or injecting "buts" was doing the usual; complaining about having to do dishes, going on about how unfair it was, and basically exaggerating the situation to the point where you'd think she was working in a sweat shop.  She kept pushing the envelope in the usual teen way, and right before I was about to go into a parental lecture, my middle daughter said one word to her sister.  "Filter."  "Filter, Jessica", she said.

All four of the rest of us just stopped dead in our tracks, slack-jawed and staring at Sarah in her simplistic wisdom that was delivered so succinctly, so calmly and precisely.  Even Jessica stopped talking - a miracle in itself. 

I told Sarah that summed it up perfectly.  Jessica needed to learn to filter what went on between the thoughts swirling around in her head and the words that came out of her mouth.  It is such a simple concept, one that people of all ages of reason should practice and I wondered where on earth my ten-year-old had suddenly come up with this terminology that sounded like it had come out of a psych 101 class.  So I asked her. "Sarah, that is a wonderful way to describe it and something we can all practice.  Where did you learn that?" 

Now beaming, and obviously proud of herself, she told me a teacher she had two years before had told her class about filtering.  That filtering was going through your thoughts before saying anything and thinking through the consequences of what delivering them aloud would be.  Hence: filtering! 

So, for two years, my daughter had carried this around in the back of her mind and then when she saw a moment when it applied, it came to the forefront.  That teacher had left an imprint, one she probably doesn't even know about.  One that I thank her for now.  Of course, Sarah could practice filtering at times herself.  We all could.  And that's why I chose this as my topic today.

Think about it as a coffee filter.  You put the coffee grounds in the top of the coffee maker in a filter.  The filter keeps all the icky grounds out of the coffee letting only the water through, giving us a pure cup of coffee. Our mind is full of coffee grounds.  Mixed up thoughts.  Some that aren't so nice.  Some might be hurtful, spiteful, or disobedient.  Now, imagine a filter lining our brain.  The filter is us taking a pause, a breath to think about the consequences of what words we allow to escape our mouths.  That pause, that filter can allow only the good, necessary words to get through and keep all those "coffee ground" thoughts up behind the filter where they belong. 

Sure, there are always some things that need to be addressed, some things that might not be pleasant.  There are times where you might need to take a stand or stand up for yourself.  There are moments where you might have to speak a truth that's harsh, but someone needs to hear for a greater good.  But, think it through first.  Who are you saying it for and why? 

So my brief message today is "filter" and the credit goes to my daughter "Sarah" and her former third-grade teacher.

Oprah and Superman

Oprah Winfrey has been someone I have always admired.  She is a person who has taken her fame and done wonderful things to bring about positive change in the world.  I often miss her show because I am busy with the tedious tasks of every day life, but being this is her last season and I have pretty much grown up watching her show, I have been trying to tune in each day while I tend to my other tasks.

Today, I was glad I did and she had my full attention.  Her show focused on a documentary that is coming out within the next month called "Waiting for Superman".  This documentary is to focus on the serious flaws that we have in our American public education system.

As a mom, and a former teacher, I was very impassioned by this show.  Anything to do with children, especially when it is something that leaves children vulnerable when they have no power to act on their behalf, brings out the mama bear in me.

I felt the need to get the word out in my own neighborhood about this film and urge educators in my own system to not only see it, but walk away from it with ideas they are ready to implement to better our school systems.  They will most likely file my email in their spam or junk mail bin.  Some might read it and then click delete.  But if even one educator reads it and takes it to heart, I hope it makes at least a little bit of a difference.

I have felt for years that our school systems were flawed and had pinned high hopes on the first George Bush to change our educational system with his promises of school vouchers, something I had been preaching for in school reports way back in my college days.  Well, former President Bush let me down.  School vouchers never came to fruition.

The current President, well, let's just say I am not a fan.  He doesn't seem to have any interests outside of pointing the finger to blame someone else when something goes wrong.  Other than that, he seems to stand for nothing.  When he ran for election, we heard all about change.  Well, the economy tanked, so I guess we got change.  But, I digress.  This is not meant to be a political debate.

Back to the Oprah show.  I was so inspired by the show, I immediately set off to contact every member of the school board, superintendent, principal of my kids' schools, and all other school administrators I could find.

It is not an earth-shattering, monumental step, but everyone has to start somewhere, so this was my first step.  Maybe if something comes of it, I can take another step and get a ball rolling with other people interested in change.

Anyway, I thought for today's blog, I would share my letter with you. I did change the names in case they wouldn't want to be identified, though the principal should be.  He is one of the best I have seen in years.

Dear interim superintendent, members of the school board and administration, and Principal xxxxxx,

I am contacting all of you because I strongly believe it would be very beneficial if every teacher, school administrator, school board member, principal, and superintendent would go to see the documentary "Waiting for Superman" that will be opening in theaters in October 2010.  This documentary addresses many of the issues that plague our school systems here in America today. 

I whole-heartedly agree with this film that there are many teachers out there that are hiding comfortably under a blanket of tenure; that our schools are teaching to tests and yet many children don't learn that way.  I think teachers need to be more accountable for their students' performance and that learning needs to be more hands-on.  I feel that we have become so focused on test scores and overall statistics that individual students are no longer seen.  I believe that our educational system is seriously broken and this film brings to light a lot of serious issues that need to be addressed.

We at ABC Elementary school have a principal that I personally feel is on the right track.  We need more teachers and administrators like him.  He knows every student in his school.  He wants every parent involved and is implementing ways to get them there.  It is a step in the right direction.  I also know there is only so much he can do on his own. 

I have seen teachers that are burned out and should not be in the classroom anymore.  I have personally observed a teacher just a few years ago in our own school system that was so disorganized I didn't know how my daughter learned anything in her class.  Yet these teachers remain in our schools year after year.  Instead of focusing on children's test scores, why aren't we requiring teachers to take a certain number of continuing education classes over a specified amount of time to keep their teaching methods current and fresh; classes that might inspire them?  Why is the pressure to do better on the kids and not on the teachers and administrators?  Isn't it our job, as parents and educators to help our children?  Isn't it our job to help them shine and be the best they can be?  I think it is.  It is our job to show our children the way.  It's our job to give our children every opportunity to succeed.  

I urge this film be shown across all schools across our county - if not across America.  We can quote a "no child left behind" policy all we want, but the fact is, children are still being left behind.  The fact is, in some areas, things are getting worse.  Please require all educators to see this film. Thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say.

With deepest sincerity,

Gianna xxxxxxxx

Tick Tock

As summer has flown by and I wonder where it all went so quickly, I wish I had more time.  More time to vacation, more time to spend with the kids, more time to relax, more time to be silly and have fun. 

Not long ago, my daughter and I were discussing a website she wanted to join.  I told her I felt she already spent enough time on the computer and joining this new site would just add to that time.  I tried to point out that there is little more than a month left to her summer vacation and soon she would be back in school, without the luxury of deciding when to go out and play, when she would have to be on the computer doing homework.  That the days would grow shorter and the weather colder and she would find herself longing for these summer days again. 

What my daughter wasn't understanding, what I was trying to explain to her, is that each moment, every second we breathe, is our life.  There are no do-overs.  If there is something we want to do, now is the time.  No one is guaranteed a tomorrow.  If there is an interest she wants to pursue, the time is now.  As a kid, this is her time to have fun, be silly, play games, imagine, explore, try new things, and broaden her horizons.  And I think she would be sad if she looked back on it and saw that all she did was spend all her time on the computer and missed out on other things.  As a parent, I limit that computer time.  Sure, it makes me unpopular, but it forces her to pursue her other interests and encourages her to imagine other possibilities.

Parents don't get do-overs either.  We have one shot with our kids.  We don't get to redo their childhoods when we realize one day that we wish we had spent more time with them.  Now is the time to put the computer aside and color that page with your child or let the laundry linger a little longer and go fishing together.  This is the time to leave work on time and gather around a campfire in the backyard.  Kids won't care that you worked overtime to bring in a few extra dollars.  What they will remember, what they will cherish is that you went sledding with them when you had that big snowstorm.  Or that you used to cook hotdogs over the firepit in the backyard and then tell scary stories.  They'll remember movie nights, game nights, and extra cuddles. 

Life is this moment.  It's not tomorrow.  It's not yesterday.  It's this moment.  And what you choose to do with this moment will define how your life will be.  Will you be kind to others?  Will you choose to be happy with what you have or spend your time always wanting more?  Will you love your family or hurt them?  Will you comfort someone in need or turn away because you don't want to get involved?  Will you love with all your heart?  How will you spend this moment? How will you live life? Whatever you choose to do, your child will learn from it. How do you want them to live their lives?

Hidden Truths

     It's been awhile since I last blogged.  Life got busy and apparently one of my blogs hit a nerve with a reader.  My blogs come straight from my life, but let me be clear that I was speaking the truth when I said that true names would never be stated.  I also speak the truth when I tell you, my readers, however many or few of you there may be, that I stand by every word I post 100%.

     We find ourselves in a new era, unchartered territory for many.  Information becomes public with the click of a button.  And once out there, there is no getting it back.  It can be helpful, and it can be risky, dangerous even.

     If a reader finds themselves reading a blog and reflecting inwardly, whether or not it was meant for them, then I think that's a good thing.  It got people thinking.  Hopefully it brings about positive change.  Sometimes we come across a situation, book, or article that leaves us, myself included, facing hidden truths within ourselves we would rather not see.  Things we know about ourselves but don't like to admit.

     I myself had to face some of these truths in recent months and have gained some pretty wonderful things because of it.  I have better relationships with people in my life that I didn't have before and I am a happier person for it.  Unfortunately, I am still waiting for some others to catch on.  Maybe in time they will come around, maybe they won't.  One thing I have learned, is that it is out of my control.  It is a decision and a step that those people must make.

     I was going to stop blogging, but I think I have some important things to say.  I think some of them might be helpful to other moms out there... and not necessarily just moms, but all people, like me, living through the joys and challenges of each day.  So, I am back to blogging.  No offense is intended to anyone in particular in any of these articles.  These articles are about me, my parenting, and day-to-day life.  Anything more a reader relates to these events is purely coincidental.